Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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