shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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