Soap is not a condiment
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
