Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
not ubering you a puppy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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