As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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