I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
