Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize