Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
