He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
