some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
