bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
