Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
