My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
