My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
