Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
