Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
