i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
