my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
