For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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