New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize