Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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