No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize