Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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