how can u be prego again
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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