btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
