how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
