if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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