You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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