I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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