you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
