New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
