The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
