Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
