Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
