I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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