I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
