u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
