I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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