We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
