Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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