I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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