I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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