Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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