Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
