matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
