Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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