I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
