mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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