dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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