So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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