So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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