Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
