Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
