no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
