You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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