dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
