how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
