Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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