Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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