No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
