At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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