when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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