And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
