I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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