So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
