if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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