How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize