i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
