i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
