what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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