"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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