Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So vagazzling was a success
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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